My Blog

it seems i have forgotten how to write good poems..
does this mean contentment?  the way ive gained weight, they say, is contentment..
as much as i want to write, i cant find a way to start..

the fact is, ive been misisng a lot lately..
i need to catch up with almost everything..
work..friends..myself..music..

haay..
ngayon, huminto nanaman ang oras..
na tila ayaw kong harapin ang umaga..
ala una na ng madaling araw..
sa kagustuhan kong magmadali,
ay lalo akong nahuhuli..

iniisip ko kung hindi ako naging ako..
ano kaya ang naging buhay ko..
iniisip ko ang mga dating kalaro,
asan na kaya sila.. san na sila napadpad..

kung bakit gusto ko silang alalahanin,
wala lang, gusto ko lang malaman kung kamusta na sila..
pero habang nagiisip, tinatanong ko din
kung bakit pa ako gising..
kung bakit kelangan ko itong gawin..

nakakainggit ang mga taong tulog na..
buti pa sila, nananaginip na..
gusto ko din sanang makarating sa bulaklakang kapatagan..
pangarap kong matanaw ang sinag ng araw,
nang hindi nadarama ang kanyang init at silaw..

napansin ko lang na dilat pa ako,
ngunit ang diwa’y naglalaro na kung saan..
alam kong ngayon lang ito,
habang may oras pa..

bukas haharapin ko nanaman ang umaga..
ang totoong mundo ay gigisingin ako..
kung ako man ay makatulog..
sa tingin ko hindi naman..

haay, minsan nakakapagod ding mabuhay..
pero kahit magreklamo,
alam ko namang malalampasan ko ito..
kelangan ko lang siguro ng karamay..

sa lahat ng gising pa..
mabuhay tayong lahat..

sa totoo lang ..
ang blog ay ginawa ba para saan?
para basahin ng lahat?

anyway..

di ako makapaniwalang ito na ang real world..

i feel the wind fight my skin..
the deep blue waters lead me away..
where he takes me, i’m not so sure..
i don’t know why..
but i let the waves take over..

at one point, i knew..
I had to take control..
I moved my feet and pushed the waters..
i feel myself progressing..

but being as small as i am,
an underdog above the seas..
it couldn’t happen..
something immeasurable wouldn’t lose
to one struggling soul..

so i let the wind take control of the waters..
and the waves take over me..
and i hold on to the hope..
that it would take me ashore..

i wouldn’t want to be lost at sea
ever again..

i miss touching you..
feeling you..
making music with you..

i miss my piano so much..

My whole life, I’ve watched people live..
How we communicate.. argue.. etc..
Facial expressions are mostly my favorite..
Well.. Above all these.. I’ve noticed one thing..

you can laugh but I’ll still say,
People are only good to you, when you’re dead..

Predominantly at the time of your burial..
when they say all the good things about you,
and amazingly for once..
they forget all of your mistakes..

So don’t kill yourself..
Cause you wouldn’t want them
to say all those pleasant words..
just because you’re dead..

— well don’t mind me, im just wasting my time here.. =)
— have a nice day !

Thank you to "the Postal Service"
I’ve been listening to "Sleeping In" and "Such Great Heights"

for a very very long time..
And just recently, on my way home from work,

while listening to it again,
I had this strange feeling..

It’s not everyday that you stop at a thought,
and see the world from where you are..
and find out, that it doesn’t revolve around you..
And you realize, it’s been this way all along..
you were just too busy to notice..

I don’t know why I’m smiling..
but I know it’s a good feeling..

: )

these people.. compose my life..

i can’t explain why or how this came to be..
just the thought of seeing you makes my day..
and the fact that i know, id be with you,
even for just a while.. makes my loneliest day complete..

I don’t think of you as often as i think of him,
but when i remember you, i smile, and linger
on the memories we have..
when you were young, when i was young,
what we did every single day..

and now we’ve grown, i can’t believe
it all happened so fast…
we live different lives now..
and im trying to reach out..
but it’s getting harder each day, each year
that i come back..
you’ve found your happiness somewhere else..
and im happy for you..
and i pray that there won’t be dark clouds on your way..
because i feel, that the life you are living, is a big part of mine..
and when you are down, it hurts me deep,
i don’t know why, but i know our souls are tightly connected..

now that we’re old, and the new generation have come..
i still feel the same.. about you.. about them.,
i hold all of you in my hands..
and i wish.. that you’ll never go away..
and we’ll all grow together.. although we’re far apart..
i keep you all in my heart.. forgetting no one..
every name.. every face.. every memory we’ve made..
everything we had.. everything we ate..
every game we played.. every scar we got..
all that we have as a family..
is very precious to me..
and i don’t know if you feel the same..
and i won’t care, as long as we’ll have the time
to relive our moments.. and be with each other,
even for a while..

all my love for you guys..

im missing my cousins already..

for: kevin, johnray, kurt, fm, sesa, jayjay, ken, josh, kyle, jasmin, jherald…

when you say goodbye to the sun,

and you’re afraid that the day may never come..

don’t be scared of the night,

cause the moon will be your light,

as i would when you’re stuck in the dark..

why do we fear being blinded by the night,

we will never have been scared if not for our sight..

sometimes it’s good to not have seen,

than to have witnessed everything,

and find the worst is yet to come,

and things cannot be undone..

so let it go, just let it flow..

everything will be well again..

no one’s ever been too sad all his life..

for sure the sun will rise again,

if it will give you little strength,

at least it showered you with rays

of hopes and smiles…

Just wait your turn,

your golden years will come..

and you will laugh about the times

when you were young,

when you thought you were

old enough for everything..

but then the night is near..

and you look at me like it’s the end..

you sound so scared as you said

the day may never come again..

why do we fear the dark so much,

we will never have been scared if we haven’t seen the light..

sometimes it’s good to have not seen,

than to have witnessed everything,

and find the end is yet to come,

things just cannot be undone…

be be be be tough!! be tough!!  fight it fight it fight it! grrr… enough is enough is enough!!
i think im singing..

i need to be in a yoga class… maybe there id be at peace with myself…………..

I think, i want to go home.. want to be home.. want to be free..  i don’t want to be haunted by shortcomings, by my worries.. by my future, which is in my head all the time.. but then, thinking wouldn’t do anything.. it was said, that our lives are planned before our birth.. what the hell.. so we know, things that are meant to happen, will happen anyway.. and we can’t stop it, we can’t do anything about it.. so, I choose happiness, I choose freedom… whatever happens, wherever I may go, whatever circumstance, whatever obstacle.. I will let it pass by my life, like all the other people I’ve met, like all the other things I’ve owned, broken, then thrown away, or given up.. and like all those memories that I would like to forget, freeze, rekindle, or let go..

I will be happy, although I know that it would only happen if I am with children who do not think of things like these.. who only thinks of coloring books, toy cars, dolls that they kiss, give haircut to, give bathes to… who only know that school is right and everything else is wrong.. i tell you, children will save us from the world.. they will save us from destruction.. because i noticed, the happiest people, are those who do not know so much.. therefore is knowledge a burden?  they say, it solves problems.. that if we have it, we’ll be on top, we’ll know how to deal with life.. but it’s also because of knowing, that we get hurt.. it is the root of all stress, depression..  so as human beings, what are we to do?  And thinking of it only makes it worse… what I’m doing will make me crazy!! I can’t do anything about it anyway…

and so, i surrender my life to You who made it all happen.. I surrender to destiny.. do whatever you want.. because if it’s true, that there is life after death, and eternal happiness, I would look forward to living every single day, and i wouldn’t fear the end, like i did before, like i do now, ..

thank You for the music.. it makes me forget.. thank You for friends, for family.. for foes… they make us angry, but they make us strong.. and we learn a lesson..

we know that life is a rollercoaster.. another cliche to ring our ears.. we are going on and on, living everyday doing the same things.. in just different places, with different people, at different times.. and this is what were supposed to do.. so, let it be..

i would like to express my anger in writing… so here it goes…

grrr… i am sick and tired of waiting!!! i am losing patience!!! what is wrong with you people!??